For All The Things I Didn’t Do
by AslanofTexas
Summary: Inuyasha reflecting on his love Kagome. IK


Title: For All The Things I Didn't Do

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or the song "Hate Me" by Blue October.

Summary: Inuyasha reflecting on his love Kagome. I/K

* * *

Inuyasha walked slowly to his car. It was time for him to go, time to start over. Shifting Inuyasha haphazardly tossed his only bag into the passenger seat and got in. 

Shaking his head to clear his mind Inuyasha started the car and looked over his shoulder to make sure it was clear.

_I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head  
_

He wouldn't miss this dump.

_They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed_

Well he would miss a few things. He would miss the person in the home. He would miss _her._

_Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone_

Kagome. He was leaving the only thing he had to remind him of her now.

_Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home  
_

Inuyasha paused in his reversing efforts and put in back in park. Could he do this? Could he leave? He was remembering.,

Remembering all his joys and pains he shared with her inside that house. Remembering all his screw ups and all his triumphs. It was so unreal to him now.

_There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
_

He needed to leave. What was left for him here now? Kagome was gone and all that remained was this stupid house. All it's meaning, it's warmth left with her.

**(Flashback)**

Inuyasha sat in a chair staring at the note in his hand. Kagome had left her goodbyes on a half torn piece of paper. Her penmanship was as clear as her message, she was leaving him.

_An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?  
_

She took everything with her that she wanted and what was left was his. She was going back to her old apartment. She said he was always welcome if he needed someone to come she her, and she wished him well.

_And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?  
_

She signed it Love, Kagome.

Those words stung more than anything else in her letter. More than he expected it to.

_And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space  
_

She wasn't going to call or stop by to see him, she would let him have his own life and no longer be bothered by her attempts to help. Not that he could blame her, he did this to himself.

_Hate me today  
_

He pushed her away.

_Hate me tomorrow  
_

He pushed her to far.

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you  
_

He pushed he so far that she wasn't coming back.

**(End Flashback)**

He had been nothing but a dumb ass drunk when she had left.

_I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with_

Isn't it ironic that by her leaving was the push he needed to sober up?_  
_

_The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again  
_

She had been there every time he drank to much and had to deal with the after effects. She had been the one who drove him home when he couldn't. She had been the only one to care about a stupid drunk.

_In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night  
_

Why did ever have to drink? Why did he become so depressed over his own mistakes that he screwed up the only thing good in his life?

_While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight_

His parents splitting up, his brother getting shot in front of him, his repeated failure at each one of his attempts, they all added up in the end. They pushed him over the edge as he went back and forth on and emotional roller coaster ride trying to decide whether to feel guilty for living, whether he was the one to split his parents up, or his depression at not ever being good enough. _  
_

_You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate_

But even when the world seemed to bare down on him, and he was far passed drunk Kagome was still there for him. She would hold his head in her lap on the bathroom floor and wipe his head wit a damp cloth. She would be the one to whisper the encouraging words he needed to get up off the floor.

_You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take  
_

And yet, he was here, in car alone. He had yelled at her in a drunken rage one night, and even though she would have put it aside and forgiven him, he had told her to leave. Hell he'd gotten to suitcase out for her telling her to leave. Then he had left on a walk and found the note.

_So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind  
_

Inuyasha sighed and put the car back into reverse. It was time to leave. He wouldn't put her through that anymore, he didn't even have to right to look at her. It would bring her only pain. He would move on and start over for her. She shouldn't have to move on, it was only fair he left since he was the problem here. He couldn't face her anyways. They'd just run into each other or something, somewhere so he was leaving.

_And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind  
_

Hopefully she would move on with her life too. _  
Hate me today  
_

She'd get over him, she was Kagome.

_Hate me tomorrow_

She was stronger than he ever was. She'd be fine.

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you  
_

She'd meet someone who'd treat her right, which is more than he could ever do for her.

_Hate me in ways  
_

She should punch some pillows in anger or write anasty letter about him, but she was Kagome.

_Yeah ways hard to swallow  
_

She wouldn't do anything to punish him or make herself fell better. She was to nice, to caring.

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you  
_

She would move on, she had to. She'd be fine, honest.

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave  
_

Shifting the car into drive Inuyasha pulled away.

_Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made  
_

Away from all the memories.

_And like a baby boy I never was a man  
_

To start over, in a new world. Yet, he couldn't quite shake one last memory. It was of the night he told her to leave. He'd said something awful that he couldn't quite remember, but he remember her. She was crying. She never cried in front of him before, so he was the strong, together one.

_Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand  
_

He had held her face and his heart broke. He had done this to her.

_And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"  
_

He'd stood up and stomped into the bed room pulling out a suitcase ordering her to leave. It never entered his mind to be the one to pack up and go.

_Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be_

And as he headed towards the door to give her time to go he had paused and looked back at her. He watched her cry as she steadily packed her clothes away. She should go, move on and be happy._  
_

_And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"  
_

But she still cried as she packed. Questioning herself, her own self-worth. He didn't have to heart to let her know if wasn't her, so he turned and left. _  
_

_Hate me today  
_

His throat had been clogged with his own withheld tears and he stepped through that door into the cool night air.

_Hate me tomorrow  
_

If she hated him she could move on. He wanted her to go and be happy.

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

She didn't need him to cause her more pain and deprive her of that happiness.

_Hate me in ways  
_

And she would be ok with this arrangement eventually.

_Yeah ways hard to swallow_

But would he?_  
_

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you  
_

He would have to be.

* * *

End. Hope you liked it! REVIEW PLEASE! 

Aslan


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